"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
