You made me cry and you don't even care
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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