I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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