you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
