I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
