dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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