Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
