Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think I just sharted jello shots
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
