it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
