To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
