hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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