No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
