i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
