I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
