We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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