is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
