can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
