the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
