we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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