He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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