My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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