Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I understand Curling. That high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
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