She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
