ugly people sure do ruin things
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
