now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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