Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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