New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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