1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
