wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
