why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
