so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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