For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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