I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the condom got lost in my hair
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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