I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
