I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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