After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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