I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize