I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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