He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
