The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
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Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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