It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we're so committed to being not committed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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