..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
a search helicopter?!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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