if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
