so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
