He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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