I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
