guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
