Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
