There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
