Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
