Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
