I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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