Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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