separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
