Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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