worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
