just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
