She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Sponge bath it is.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
