He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
