at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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