Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
