Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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