Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
