I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
