I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I skipped work to stalk him.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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