if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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