Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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