Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
