you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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