You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have post one night stand depression
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